Hit the Brakes

When you find yourself starting over at my age, it's different than starting over in mid-career.

I want everyone to know that. 
I need to hit the brakes.

I was exhausted the day I was laid off. I had been exhausted for years. I experienced stress related memory gaps. I could not get out of bed; no matter how long I slept. I just wanted to retreat into my head and rest in dreams of what I always wanted my life to be. 

But I couldn't do that. For 12 years, my name was “hey, Christy.” I was the self-proclaimed de facto problem solver way beyond my job description. I could mentally multi-task well beyond what most people would even consider trying. I was amazed that everyone couldn't context switch like I could. I was killing myself. And doing my very best to die with a smile on my face. 

When you run at that pace for that many years, you don't just wake up the next day as the new and better you. You wake up in a sprint. At least, I did. And I'm still sprinting. 

I sprint to show my gratitude for the outpouring of messages and support for me. I am overwhelmed and honored beyond words by that, so I'm showing up. I'm sprinting.

I have never known a time where I didn't give work my all. So sprint is my default setting.

And I don't want do it anymore.

Turn the Rotors in my Head

I am worn down like a 59 year old record. I can't keep spinning at ecommerce warp speed, and I don't need to. For those of you who are wondering about rotors, they are what your brakes press against to stop the wheels from rolling. When they get worn down from wear and tear, you “turn” or smooth them out.

I need to get the rust and scratches out of my psyche and get that shiny new feel of accomplishment at my own directive. 
“Lead by Helping”

What does that mean? How does that manifest? 
It won't if I don't slow down and breathe. 

If you're in a similar situation as me, I want you to know that running off to the wilderness might not be best in your situation. You may not have time to take a beat. So keep persevering, but also make time to shut out the stress. 
Hang with friends
Take a hot bath every day
Sit with your pets and be only with them
Call your mom. or your sweetheart. or your dad. you get it.

I have a strong calling in my head. It keeps telling me to beef up The Peace from the Porch Project and make it into a business about giving. So I'm off to the country for a week. I'll rest, meditate, reflect, cut up trees that fell in the last storm, mow, play my guitar, spend time with my mom, and let the inspiration fall into place. 

If not Peace from the Porch, then I will have a sharp vision of what's next for me. I'll stop struggling to make revised copies of my resume and make that one version that tells my story and why I'm the best fit for any organization's vision of servant leadership.

And remember! As older women, we are the wisdom. We are valuable.

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